some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
