it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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