we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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