so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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