i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
