okay pat passed out under dana's car
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize