I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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