She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
