his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
