so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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