I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
