i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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