Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
