My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
