I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
