she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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