I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize