Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize