Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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