Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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