I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
