Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
