Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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