I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
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Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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