i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
