if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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