I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
