Pappa wants mamma naked
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
