i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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