your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
