I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
