I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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