I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
