I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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