I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize