this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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