I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
