your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This baby is an asshole
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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