Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize