i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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