I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
