Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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