i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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