She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
