I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
