we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
