3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
