you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
