I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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