Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
