I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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