We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
