dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
