After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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