Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cannot find my penis.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
