Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What drink are we having for lunch?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He did a backflip because drugs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
