I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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