And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
