If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
