well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
