Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
