so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
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Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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