How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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