batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
