There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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