He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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