Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
