The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
