WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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