i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
