Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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