Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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