LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
