she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My butt remains clenched, sir.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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