I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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