we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
